Blooming - not so much

February is the month that celebrates birthdays for two of my daughters, as they are 1 year and 2 weeks apart.

We are incredibly proud of all 3 of our girls. The girls always ask for the story of how they were born around their birthdays. As for the two eldest especially, there are stories to be told. 

When I was younger, I imagined when I 'chose' to have children it would happen straight away, I would bloom, look radiant, have a great excuse to eat all my favorite foods, waddle around for abit and then after a little discomfort pop the baby out and be home in a matter of hours, cuddling my newborn child. My reality was very far from that dream of becoming a mother.

My husband and I lost to miscarriage our first baby together.  We were fortunate in that, I fell pregnant again only a few months later. The first few weeks were fine, but at just 6wks gone, I started vomiting and having constant nausea. It was getting into the hotter months, and the doctors seem to think it was just caused by over heating. The term morning sickness, implies nausea and sickness in the morning, I had it all the time, 24 hours a day.
After a few days of not even being able to keep water down, let alone food.. I was admitted to hospital. There they gave me IV fluids and anti-emetics (anti-sickness medication), to try and stop the constant vomiting and if possible give some relief to the nausea. The anti-emetics are given either IV, IM  (as an injection in a muscle), PR - per rectum (in your bum) as I was unable to keep any tablet medication down. The nursing staff monitor your fluid input and output, testing the urine's ketone levels. Ketones are produced when the body starts breaking down stored or ingested fat for energy, this happens when your not getting enough carbohydrate (food) caused by the vomiting/nausea. This is when I was diagnosed with Hyperemesis.

Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) is a debilitating and potentially life-threatening pregnancy disease marked by rapid weight loss, malnutrition, and dehydration due to unrelenting nausea and/or vomiting with potential adverse consequences for the mom-to-be and the newborn(s).www.helpher.org

I hear you saying, oh its just abit of morning sickness she couldn't cope with it. This is where your wrong, and it is views of health care professionals and others that stop women with this awful disease get the treatment they need and deserve. At this stage we didn't realize what we were dealing with, and how all consuming and debilitating this condition would be.
For me, I would vomit typically 30 times a day on average, some more, some less. Some days all you can do it retch as there's nothing left...no bile nothing to actually bring up. I can describe it as that horrible hangover nausea but ALL the time... constantly... 24/7. Even the most smallest things used to make me sick. Smells were a big thing for me. I remember my sister telling me I could be a 'sniffer dog for the police', my sense of smell was so acute. Someones perfume, if someone was a smoker, passing them in the street... yep I'd vomit. Just peoples general 'smell' their essence = vomit. My own body wash or toothpaste =vomit. One time I couldn't go into Tesco, because I couldn't stand the smell of it.. and there we go again...being sick in a corner outside.
I won't bore you, telling you of the many times I was admitted to hospital. My first pregnancy I spent 14 weeks of it in hospital! yes that's right over 3 months!

We have very few photos of me whilst pregnant, this must have been a good day.
2009 Pregnant with my 3rd daughter

The general treatment for Hyperemesis, is to get re-hydrated, anti-emetics to control the vomiting, get eating and drinking again (most importantly keeping it down), ketone levels back to normal, then send you home with minimal (preferably none) medications.

I just want to add here, that non-one knows what affects of medications have on a unborn baby (of course there's no testing on pregnant women) so to prescribe a woman medication is to out weigh the risks to mother/baby. We prayed every day for protection over our unborn child.

After many hospital admissions, some for a few weeks, some for a few days. we found I required two different types of anti-emetics to keep me 'stable'. I had one via tablet, the other via suppository. At one stage I tried 'melts' its a small tablet that melts in your mouth, unfortunately the taste... you guessed it made me vomit.
We found that after a while, IV access to my veins became increasingly difficult. I have very thin/ unstable veins which made it hard to get the fluids into me. I found that I had so many IM injections in my buttocks that the nerve endings got damaged, I had an altered sensitivity/ numbness there for a long time. You get damage to your teeth, you are being sick so often, and can't brush your teeth, because it triggers sickness - its a vicious cycle. After my first pregnancy I had 5 filings, then had a further 4 more with the other pregnancies. I had an over sensitive 'gag' re-flux, if a food didn't feel right in the mouth or went too near the back of the throat - it would be a trigger.

2008 Pregnant with my 2nd Daughter

I still consider myself one of the fortunate ones. Some woman can't cope with the torment of hyperemesis and need to terminate the pregnancy. Women can be so incredibly ill, they have to constantly be fed by NG (nasal gastric) tube and IV fluids, it takes such a toll on their body they start going into liver/ kidney failure. This is where a few ginger biscuits won't do the trick (still to this day I can't stand ginger). Some poor suffers loose all their teeth, as the gastric acid slowly dissolves them.

There are some views of the medical profession that the condition doesn't exist. That it is all in a woman's head?! Yes I did meet doctors that had this view! Also That at 12 weeks, 16weeks max, the condition will stop. And for the majority of women, it does. But not for me. I remember every week that passed, my doctors/ nurses saying it will be better at 12 weeks, then it was 16 weeks.... oh in rare cases 20 weeks. Well for me it didn't stop until my daughters were delivered. For me it lasted the whole pregnancy.
The mental toll is immense, you just want the feeling to go. You know if the baby wasn't there you would feel this wretched. I remember crying my eyes out begging for the feeling to stop, but at the same time knowing your child was growing inside you and the love you have for the unborn child. I can understand why some women can't bear it anymore and feel that termination is the only way for them.
The condition has at least had some publicity in recent times with our Duchess and other celebrities coming forward highlighting the disease.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2243405/TV-presenter-Kirstie-Allsopp-gives-tips-sufferers-hyperemesis-gravidarum-pregnant-Duchess-Cambridge-has.html

My work suffered and I was not coping at all. I think workplaces try to understand but at the end of the day you are having so much time off work, and even if you are there... your work capability is really rather poor. I thankfully with use of owed holiday and early maternity leave, finished work at about 28 weeks, and then left work for good when I found out I was pregnant with my second- as we knew what was to come!

Eating is a strange one.... I found once I stopped being sick and fancied something I just had to eat it. And found snacking helped keep the sickness at bay. Low blood sugar levels for me seemed to bring on more vomiting. And then once I started being sick... that would be it for sometime.
I was fortunate that I didn't loose a shocking amount of weight, we managed to keep going.

2009 Pregnant with 3rd child, holding a 16mth old middle daughter

People ask me... If it was so bad.... Why have 3? We felt as a couple it was either now or never. I cant really explain how hard it was, but we wanted a family...and knew what we had to do to get it. We had the girls close together, as we 'just had to do it' ....not over and done with... but I couldn't have waited knowing what was in store for me to make our family bigger. I was terrified of falling pregnant... as after our youngest, I know mentally it would break me to go through another pregnancy. Plus the births were no easy journey either (will share soon). The following year I was sterilized.

My advice if you find yourself with HG, get help, get educated and your family educated in what you are going through. My husband was amazing and got me the help I needed when I was too weak to search myself. There are so many help groups out there with detailed information on medications and treatments. Support is key, if you can keep mentally well you will be able to cope with the physical torment. We as a Christian family, found the power of prayer invaluable. Sickness, in an ironic way is a good sign that the pregnancy is viable and doing well (in general).
The most important thing to remember is .... IT WILL END! even if you are unfortunate like me and it lasts till your little one is born, there is and end, at 9 months, you will get your prize... your beautiful baby. You can do this, as having made it through the other side.. it was worth every minute.


http://www.helpher.org/
https://www.pregnancysicknesssupport.org.uk/